How can you spot the danger signs of suicide?

You always think you would know if your loved one is suicidal. You believe it wouldn’t come as a surprise, a shock, yes – but at some level you would have believed it was possible. The truth is far less comforting.

It is difficult to generalise but here is some advice that is held as representing a pattern of behaviour. Your girls will likely show the distress they feel and will give you warning signs. These signs may be through self-harm or through extreme distress. How they attempt suicide are more likely to fail. Your boys, on the other hand, may just go very quiet and withdraw – just like teenagers tend to do. Your boys will choose methods that statistically more likely to succeed.

In society, the group statistically most likely to attempt and to succeed at suicide are boys between the age of 13 and 19.

What is suicide ideation?

Suicide ideation is the act of thinking about ending your life. So, if your son and daughter says something like: “I could never kill myself like that, I wouldn’t have the courage.” Then, on some level they have thought about the killing themselves, even if it is to confirm they would fear doing this. This is still suicide ideation and should be taken seriously.

Anybody that speaks about suicide should be taken seriously, even if they seem to speak about it all the time and have yet to do anything about it. People who think of suicide often do not want to die, it is just that they don’t want to live feeling the way that they do. So, these people walk down a channel that is neither life or death. It could be each day they must decide which side of the channel they will move towards – should they live today or die today? Take them seriously and help them get the support that they need.

What support is available?

You should take your child to the GP the moment you suspect they have suicide ideation. Are they looking up suicide on the internet? Have they spoken about it to a friend? Have they spoken to you about this person they know who is thinking about suicide? These may be the sign, and the opportunity, you need to suggest that you explore this further with a medic. Getting your son or daughter to agree to see the doctor is another issue.

Your GP will offer several solutions. First, the doctor may offer medication in the form of antidepressants. Second, you would want a referral to local mental health services. Depending on the severity of the ideation you may want access to the Home Treatment Team, this is commonly known as the crisis team. These are psychiatric nurses and social workers who visit the home, or make telephone contact, to assess the degree of concern. This may result in regular contact with mental health services and possible hospitalisation if the issue is acute.

You will fear every day for the safety of your child. You need to keep a sense of normality and be supportive and accepting of the feelings. Let your child know that you are there for them and keep open lines of dialogue – without forcing it. This time too will pass – and soon the sense of danger to your child’s life will pass too.